Weight Loss Journey: Week 8 

  
I cannot believe that it has been 8 weeks since I have decided to take control of my life. If you remember back, my first week all I did was change my eating habits. Week two I started working out and then I decided to make the change to love myself again. It’s been a struggle, but I’m so proud that I have stuck with it. I cannot wait to see how I continue to change and grow. 
  
This week I have decided to focus more on my schooling. I am currently enrolled to take online courses towards my BS in Business Management. This has been a struggle for me. I forget about deadlines, I find it hard to focus, & I’m not applying myself like I should. Becoming a better me is not just about being healthier and fit, it’s about giving it my all at everything I do. I need to dedicate specific times to doing work, not just my lunch breaks. I need to get my husband on board & recruit him to help with little red while I’m doing homework. I need to apply myself & the first step to getting there is with a plan! 

  
I am in love with my progress photos this week. My shirt looks tight, but my husband shrunk it when he washed a load of colors in hot water. I could tell that it was shrunk because it was shorter than normal. I took a post workout picture and I just love how working out makes me look! I feel so powerful when I work hard and am dripping in sweat! Call me crazy, but I think that I’ve become slightly addicted to working out! 

  
Also this week I have started using a new training app. It is called Nike Training. It has a ton of workouts that you can download. What I like about it is that it is a timed workout and it tells me what I should do. So I do planks for a minute, it times me and tells me what to do next. It also shows videos of the exercise, I love this feature. Also, it’s free!! So if you’re looking for something, I definitely think this is worth checking out! 

  

Part of My a Journey: Being the Black Sheep

I have always had a strong value for family. I love being part of something greater than myself. Being a daughter, niece, grand daughter, & even a great grand daughter. Having a loving family atmosphere is something I love. 
Spending the nights at my aunts & uncles, play days with my cousins, and trips to see my grandparents have always brought me joy. But now a days they seem to slipping away. 
It is no secret that when I announced that I was 19, unmarried, and pregnant that people had some choice words to say. My parents got heat (from family members) about letting me live at home. I could feel the judgment coming from my extended family, it was like heat off of a fire. The words spoken behind my back hurt. Suddenly there were no happy birthday calls, no silly cards for holidays. Not even a call to check on me and make sure I was okay. My family had disconnect from me. I had become the black sheep. 
I really shouldn’t be shocked though, right? I mean they always act like hight & mighty Christians, and I would just ruin their image. My uncle who I used to be close to, is now in politics… I wouldn’t want to ruin his image either. And while all this sounds pretty harsh, it is how I feel. 
Part of this guilt that I harbor inside of me comes from this source. It is my family who turned the other direction in a time when I needed embraced. 
Sure, they sent gifts to my baby shower and attended my wedding, but I still haven’t not had a full conversation with them in about five years. I opened the card from my Aunt (the wife of the politician) and it read “we are praying for your decisions.” That put a knife through my heart. There was no “we are so excited To meet the baby” or “we are so proud of you” it basically read “you have made poor life decisions & we pray that get your crap together.” Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad they pray for me… I just wish the wounds about my “life decisions” would close. 
I pray that I am able to let all this hurt go. I pray that I learn to let go of all the guilt that I harbor inside of me. I pray that one day that part of my family will stop seeing me as a black sheep… 

Weight loss Journey: Week 6 into Week 7 

I cannot wait for Spring! All this winter weather is really hurting my exercise schedule! A large snow storm came through my area last week, knocking out the power at work & I missed my Wednesday workout! It was not a very pleasant day for me. I did get my workout in on Monday & Friday! I also enjoyed the nice weather this weekend. 
  
Last week I got out of my Week 5 Slump. I am still discouraged that I haven’t seen any progress yet, I keep having to remind myself that this is going to take time. It didn’t help that I got some bad test results this week… 
My employer has changed insurance companies, & you can earn points towards your deductible by doing a list of various things. One of them is to complete this health questionnaire & get some blood work done. I did this & went online to check my results. I know that I’m am overweight & according to my BMI I am “extremely obese”. I hate to think about it, but I know it’s true. I know that my family history of diabetes & heart disease will eventually catch up to me, but I always thought I had more time. My blood work came back showing high bad cholesterol, low good cholesterol, and a Metabolic Syndrome Risk score of 46. 
What is Metabolic syndrome? From what I read it basically mean that I am at a high risk for heart disease and diabetes. This scared me. I’m 21 years old, I shouldn’t have to worry about things like that. This makes my weigh loss journey that much more important. I now feel like I’m fighting for more than just a smaller dress size, I’m fighting for my life! 
Below you will see my progress pictures! I don’t see any progress but I can feel it. My body feels lighter and I feel like I’m carrying myself differently. That is definitely a confidence booster. 
  

  

I Watched The Moon Rise, And It Was Beautiful.

Last night, on my thirty minute drive home, I decided to take the back road. As I was driving, I looked over to my left to see the large orange moon peaking from behind a cloud. It was still low in the sky and was on its climb to shine down on us. I kept glancing over and watched as the moon made its debut into the clear night sky. The higher it got, the smaller it became. I was in awe as I watched one of God’s miracles happen right before my eyes. 

I then began to think about all of God’s creations. There are people who don’t believe there is a God because the science doesn’t add up; but I see the science and think, “How can there NOT be a God!” We live in such a beautiful world that I can’t not think about how this all could have happened by chance. The moon is set at the perfect distance from the earth, it sits in a position that reflect the sun light to offer a night light in the dark, it controls the tides, all while circling around this planet we call home. The very existence of the moon is a miracle! So tell me, how does this just happen by chance? 
Think of the miracle of life. Two small cells come together, then start multiplying, & form a human! That alone is a miracle and can not happen by chance.   

I praise our Creator for all that He does, all that He had done, and all that He will do. His creations are marvelous & full of beauty! 

Weigh loss Journey: Week 5 

Well I have made it through week five of my journey. This week was the probably the toughest of them all. I felt as though I had hit a wall; a large brick wall that took my energy and motivation. I didn’t make a big change this week; because honestly I feel like it went by so fast I never got a chance to think of one. My challenge this week was reclaiming my motivation towards a better me. 
  
I have not been sticking to eating well, though I have noticed that I have not been as hungry throughout the day like the weeks before. My breakfast has been sticking with me till lunch and I haven’t been snacking as much. I take this as a small win! 
Part of losing my motivation happened on Monday when I took my progress photo. I know that I keep telling myself that I am not going to see progress right away, but I swear that I look bigger this week than the past weeks. It was probably all in my head, but it discouraged me. Then on top of that, I feel like all my energy has been siphoned out of me. I came home from work, ate dinner, & went to bed. It was the worse feeling I have ever had. 

 

Week five , 4th Progress Picture

 
Though I have had a rough week, I can say that I made it! I worked out three times this week & I ate breakfast every morning. While I haven’t been sticking to my meal plan, I haven’t been eating as much. & today I decided that every time that I work out, every time that say no to Soda and sweets, every time I make a good choice is me loving myself. I have discovered that loving myself is not all about loving how I look, but also about loving myself to do what is best for me. It’s about taking care of myself so that I can be happy, healthy, and strong. Loving myself isn’t all about the weight loss and my looks, it’s about challenging myself to be a better me.

Today’s post workout picture. Today i chose to love myself !

DIET is a Four Letter Word 

There are cases when obese people are the way they are because of some back ground story. I was watching “My 600 Pound Life” on TLC a couple of weeks ago and this lady had an over eating problem because she was masking pain. I believe no matter what causes that pain, many people can agree with this. In her case it was because she was sexually molested as a child, mine is because I was not given a firm foundation for my self confidence to grow. 
I have never talked much about this, but I think it’s time in my weigh loss journey to open up. 
I was never a “skinny” kid. I am big boned with curves and I have been this way my entire life. I was born 9 pounds for crying out loud! Not that I was a chubby baby, like some cute chunks that I have seen, but I wasn’t exactly skin either. My parents weren’t “health conscious”, we ate fast foods and fried foods, and family get togethers could feed the continent of Africa. I come from a family that loves food, which I do not see as a bad thing, and for most of my younger years I didn’t see myself as fat. 
The first crack in the foundation for confidence came at age five. My family liked to go on vacation together, my grandparents, uncles and aunt, and my family would go stay in cabins in Branson, Missouri. I love it! We would spend time on the lake, go to Silver Dollar City, and see some shows. 
I can remember it like it was yesterday. It was the summer before I started Kindergarten, my mom was pregnant with my sister, & I was feeling pretty good about life. We were shopping at a strip mall, my parents had gone off to do something and my brother and I were left with my grandparents. It was then I was told that I need to watch what I was eating and start to count my calories…

 

This picture sums up my childhood, teach your children to love themsleves.

 
Now I don’t know about you, but what five year old has to worry about what they are eating? I basically told from the age of five that my body wasn’t beautiful, that having fat was gross, and that I wasn’t good enough. I was told that I need to diet and lose weight. It doesn’t stop here though, my mother, who was raised the same way, continued to put these thoughts into my head. 

I remember for my seventh birthday we got to go to Disney Land. Talk about exciting! Part of being curvy is that it sucks to go jean shopping. This was the early 2000’s, a time before leggings and wearing sweatpants wasn’t a trend. I can Remember being so excited because I had lost weight and could fit into my jeans for the Disney trip. Now tell me this, what seven year old should be excited about fitting into jeans? 

Growing up and only hearing about my weight and how I need to lose it made me so self conscious. I hated to eat in front of people because I constantly felt judged. This lead to me snacking a lot behind their backs. I was always scared that my grandmother or mom would see what I ate and put me down even more. It created a real eating problem. 

Stuff like this has gone on my whole life. The foundation that my self-confidence sits upon is completely ruined. This is why I need to work on loving myself. I need to see myself as beautiful no matter what state I’m in. I have a lot of repairing todo with my foundation, but surely I will get there. 

I do not believe that these people that I love were meaning to hurt me, I believe that they were raised to believe this and it was a cycle that needed to end. I want this to end with me. I do not want my little red to grow up thinking that her body isn beautiful. I never want her be excited at the age of 7 about jeans fitting or being self conscious at the age of 14 for wearing adult sized clothing. I never want her to know the pain I have felt, and for sure I never want her use the word “diet”, because that is most definitely a four letter word. 

  
This week has been rocky for my journey. My little one has RSV, we have had snow, and it’s made it hard to work out. I did take my progress picture though. My best friend said it would take me 6 weeks to see a change, I feel like I am half way there! I’m going to start to try and wear the same colors for my progress picture. You can’t tell a lot when I’m wearing all different colors. I’m going to reach my goal though, I have no doubt! 

  

Learning to Love Myself 

After a crazy week and weekend, I have to say that week three went pretty well. I ate better, well better than normal. My husband made a lot of pasta, so I was eating some for lunches, but every little. My workout on Friday was killer, but made me feel better about myself. You will see this week’s progress pictures below! 
  

The other day I realized something huge. Not only is this going to be a journey to become a better me, this is a journey to love myself. 

  
We had staff pictures at work on Monday. I got dressed up, did my make up and curled my hair. I felt pretty good about myself. Today our marketing manager saw me in the hall and told me my pictures turned out really good. I was excited so I searched for them on our companies network. To be honestly were not too bad, but there was still a part of me that didn’t like it. I caught myself picking it apart, my eyes weren’t open enough, my face is chubby, my body is big. I realized that I cannot love myself if I am not seeing myself as beautiful. I cannot expect to love myself when I am thin, if I can’t love myself when I am not. I need to love myself no matter what shape I am in. 

That is going to be my goal for week four, learning to love myself. I do not know how I am going to measure this quite yet. I think I am going to have to catch that self deprecating voice in my head & tell it to stop. I need to work on my self confidence. 
I truly believe that I cannot become a better me until I believe in myself and work on my self confidence. I just truly need to love myself and my body. 
 I found this on Pinterest and I couldn’t agree more. This is exactly how I am feeling.